I use my phone’s “Find My” app to share my location with a select few friends—as well as Henry and Scott. “Find My” allows you to share your location with each other, so just as they can see me, I can sure as shit see them. And I like knowing where people are, because I am, first and foremost, kind of a creep. In all seriousness Ifind it infinitely soothing to my anxiety to see, ah yes, there are my friends—they still exist! They’re in their lil’ corners of the world, just getting by! Sometimes I see one of their avatars tootling along on a highway, and I get a little thrill. Abby’s on the move!, I think.
I have no life!
I try not to check up on Henry—I do!—but he’s right there on the app, and just as I have not enough going on, I also have very little self-control. (Please note that he knows I can see where he is, and he can also track me, but I don’t think he remembers that either of us have that capability, because he is far more sane than I am. Or, at least, a million times less concerned with my safety, as he should be.) And damn it, I miss that kid a ton, even though he’s only exactly 74 miles away. “Find My” enables me to check in on him without texting him—which, I reason, is far less annoying to him. I’m basically helping him. I’m doing a good deed by merely intruding on the privacy he sort of knows he doesn’t have! Stay with me, here.
Anyway, my weird obsession almost broke my brain the other day. Henry texted me from Target to complain about thank-you cards. He’s sending out thank-yous to everyone who gave him a graduation gift, because he’s a good boy. (Also because we bugged him about it. A few times.) He texted that Target had “truly the worst selection of cards,” and that he was going to have to pick out ironic cards because he had no choice. “Surely they have blank ones?” I texted back, but he did not respond. About 15 minutes passed, and that is when I checked his location. Why? I don’t know why. I was picturing him tormenting himself in Target, wandering the aisles, possibly crying? Honestly it was just a reflex.
And his location read: Brooklyn Methodist Hospital.
Now, I knew that he had used a Citibike to get to Target, so naturally my first thought was: hahahahaa I had no thoughts, just PURE TERROR. Terror! I can’t even tell you what I pictured, it was too awful. My heart rate went kablooey and my face exploded into hot tears and my hands started shaking and sweating so hard I thought the phone was going to fly across the room.
Part of me, a small quiet part, knew I was jumping to conclusions and being crazy. Fortunately Scott wasn’t around so I couldn’t get my crazy all over him. And another part of me didn’t want to text or call Henry because what if he was fine and he got mad and took my tracking privileges away?! That is how nuts I am; if the sane part of me was correct and he was indeed fine, I still wanted to be able to see where he is.
Anyway I did text him. What was I going to do, ignore a location like that? Assume he wasn’t in the ER and continue with my day? Fat chance. You probably figured out by now that he was perfectly okay. He texted back that he was at the Five Guys Burgers and Fries (across the street from the goddamned hospital) but appreciated my concern. He is very patient with me.
I told Liz and Abby and Scott about this, and they all said, “You know you have to stop tracking him.” And I said, “Shut up.” And now I’m telling you, and you’ll say the same thing.
No, but seriously, I will. I know it’s wrong. It’s wrong to be a creep. I need to let him have his life. Aaaany day now, I’ll let go. It’s almost definitely going to happen.
I would never tell you to stop tracking him because I would LOVE to know where everyone I know is all the time, especially my kids, since they both live hundreds of miles away. But they are in their 30s and I'm sure they know I'd be tracking them all the time, so I doubt if they'd go for that. Now I'm wondering who else in my family would let me track them ...
Anyway, enjoy it while you can! :D
I do the same with my girls - both in college - and they are aware. They think it's me being silly, "mom, no one else's mom tracks them...just you" - but they tolerate it. Like you, though, when I see them somewhere unexpected (hospital, good lord) I vacillate between asking because OMG and not asking - because reminding them I'm tracking them might lead to them turning off the app, so staying under the radar works to my advantage. And I think: should something terrible happen, they *would* reach out, right? (but what if they couldn't? you see the dilemma - and we are the same on this) :)